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Five Years Later, 'MAGIC MIKE LIVE' is Still a Steaming Pile of Shit

SamNovak

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Five Years Later, 'MAGIC MIKE LIVE' is Still a Steaming Pile of Shit

Offensive, "woke" trash would more accurately be titled 'KAREN'S MID-LIFE CRISIS'...

"Somewhere along the way, ladies got the notion that becoming an independent woman meant being as obnoxious, rude, lascivious, and blatantly obscene as you can be." Early this summer, I attended opening-night festivities for the wonderfully-entertaining RECKLESS IN VEGAS at Sahara Hotel Casino. Performers, members of the press, and Sahara executives were at the event, along with devoted fans of the retro rock band. While there, I found myself conversing with a top-level representative of Sahara's brass. The friendly gentleman asked my opinions on the still-evolving resort from a media standpoint. "There are lots of things to like" I offered, "but some matters really bother me. The property is gorgeous, yet construction is never-ending. Most restaurants always seem to be closed, and MAGIC MIKE LIVE is still awful. I'm disappointed that you brought it to an otherwise-classy resort". More than anything else, my view on Sahara's highest-profile production seemed to miff him. "It's garbage and an absolute lie" I continued. "Vulgar, ugly, and totally misleading." His quick exit was one that I'm used to...higher-ups rarely expect to be told to their faces that the product they're peddling is junk. Sahara has the nerve to call this show "classy and empowering". Is that what you see in the photo below?

This is exactly what you think it is...

Most of the folks in my field enjoy these "media nights". We're showered with free tickets, complimentary cocktails, gift bags, and tiny little meatballs. In return, productions are nearly guaranteed a sparkling, quote-worthy review...unless you're me, that is. Keep this in mind...I'm the guy who got tossed out of Criss Angel's latest atrocity at Planet Hollywood because of my biting honesty. Lisping Little Nicky was so fearful of a bad review for AMYSTIKA that he sent two armed guards and the resort's Director of Entertainment to remove me before the lights went down. And my scathing original critique of Magic Mike Live ensured that this writer wasn't invited to the grand reopening when it moved from Hard Rock Hotel (now Virgin).

The mouth that never closes...

No doubt I'll be entirely banned from the MML showroom after this piece, not that I'd ever want to return. It would be far less painful to face a dentist drill without anesthesia than suffer the banshee wailing of host Chelsea Phillips-Reid for ninety interminable minutes.

Good luck finding any beef in MML....this is a seafood shack where the host serves gripes and groans

My "Vegas Unfiltered" column became a part of VEGAS 411 for a reason. Together, we aspire to deliver brutally honest opinions backed by facts. If a product or service is awesome, we'll go out of our way to let you know about it. By the same token, if it's shit, we'll tell you that too. As the face of V411, this has made me less-than-popular with the city's public relations machine. Cry me a river, Thomas...I work for the readers, not you. https://vimeo.com/742660522 There's a particular reason why I'm revisiting MAGIC MIKE LIVE five years after the original review (available here). When it first appeared, my article caused quite a fuss. I received angry private messages from a cast member, high-fives from other male revues, and the wrath of a certain demographic now known as the "Karens". They were furious that I exposed their "Feminist Group Therapy Session" for the masquerade that it is.

Sarah Hester Ross (right) has joined the cast of MAGIC MIKE LIVE (photo by Sparky Lisa)

Sarah Hester Ross seemed to be particularly offended by my views. Word got back that the "Feminist Comedienne" had me in her cross-hairs. This was despite the fact that I'd never written a thing about her. I found it especially amusing when Ross was announced as the latest emcee for ~~"Karen's Mid-Life Crisis"~~ MAGIC MIKE LIVE. At least she already had black stretch pants and a studded leather top, apparently the official uniform of militant man-haters.

Legs spread, ass in the air, any shred of ladylike behavior long gone...

So I returned to see whether Ms. Ross would continue Phillips-Reid's penchant for lying on her back, spreading her legs, fingering herself, simulating masturbation with a microphone, and spewing outbursts of "vagina vagina vagina". In other words, acts of vulgarity that somehow represent liberation and equality. Our mothers had a name for women who behaved this way, and it wasn't "enlightened".

Pay for shirtless hunks, get Rosie O'Donnell in fetish gear...

With a personality like Ross on the mic, there was an opportunity to transform MML into something worth seeing. Perhaps the mostly-forgotten male cast would finally move to the foreground, too. Alas, Ross had already departed for vacation, and I was stuck once more with the wretched Phillips-Reid. After about 45 minutes I walked out, and here is what I posted on social media the following day: "Five years later, MAGIC MIKE LIVE is still a steaming pile of shit. The main character is nauseating and intolerable. This is NOT a male stripper production...it's a soap box for an attention-whore who screeches, interrupts dance numbers, squawks nonstop vulgarities in her shrill voice, spreads her legs, fingers her crotch, and disparages men."

"The name "MAGIC MIKE LIVE" and its marketing materials are lies. You won't find this woman on any posters or billboards, and the show has ZERO to do with the MAGIC MIKE films. The movie's plotlines, characters, and premise are completely absent. What you get instead is a female-empowerment lecture, complete with group hugs and lesbian slow dancing, for women who only want men around when their feet are sore or something needs to be fixed."

"The target audience is middle-aged Karens who gather in solidarity over their bitter, man-free lives. It's the worst adult show on the Strip, and the only way for people of sound minds to get through it is to play the "Angry Karen Drinking Game". Every time Chelsea bellows "Vagina" from her foul mouth, take another swig. You should have alcohol poisoning before the first male cast member removes his shirt."

"Misandry" is hatred against men. It is commonly seen in North America in the demonization of men as a result of women exercising power through feminism. And in this Hell, the Devil rides a unicorn. Tickets for MAGIC MIKE LIVE start at $64 (plus taxes/fees) and can be ordered here. The show performs Wednesday through Sunday. VEGAS 411 recommends that you skip this one entirely and consider attending the far-superior CHIPPENDALES, AUSSIE HEAT, or THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER.